Michael Cavacini

An award-winning arts and culture blog.

Archive for the tag “Charlie And The Chocolate Factory”

Supermarket Stories: The Great Glass Elevator

Great Glass ElevatorDuring my nearly 12 years as a cashier, I’ve been asked many interesting questions by customers, including:

“Have you gained weight?”

“Are you married?”

“So, do you want my number?”

“Do you carry milk?”

“I need condoms now! Where are your condoms?”

Some have been flattering, some have been insulting, but they’ve always been entertaining. This is especially true when it comes to the illogical questions. Speaking of which, I had two customers ask me what I classify as the most perplexing question of all time. But before I reveal this astoundingly bizarre question, let me provide some context.

I work in what most would call a “traditional” supermarket, and directly across the street is an organic food store. For many customers – and employees – having these two stores next to each other is extremely convenient. Many of them shop at both stores and those who drive park in our lot or the other store’s garage. However, sometimes people leave their cars in the organic store’s parking lot when they’re shopping in our store and don’t come to this realization until after they’ve bought an absurd amount of groceries.

This brings us to the strangest question that’s ever been uttered: “Do your elevators go to the other food store’s parking lot?”

The first time I was asked this question, I was stunned. The person that asked it seemed intelligent, and as far as I could tell the individual wasn’t drunk or high. The same goes for the second person. Let’s think about this from a physics perspective. For our elevators to reach the organic food store’s parking lot they’d have to do the following:

  • Propel the customers upward
  • Disconnect from our elevator shaft and turn in mid-air
  • Burst through the cement and brick wall of our building
  • Float across the street
  • Smash through the organic food store’s edifice
  • Somehow connect to the other store’s elevator shaft
  • Arrive at the floor where the customer parked his or her car

I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound feasible to me. And even if it was, that seems like an awfully dangerous way to travel. This isn’t Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. While I would love to take a ride on the Great Glass Elevator, I’m fairly certain it’s not at the local supermarket.

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