If you grew up in the late 80s or early 90s, you didn’t just watch Hulk Hogan—you lived in a world defined by him. Between the vitamins, the prayers, and the neon yellow spandex, the Hulkster was less of a wrestler and more of a living superhero.
But then, 1989 gave us something that defied logic, physics, and perhaps, good taste: No Holds Barred.
Look, I’m not here to tell you this is an Oscar-contending masterpiece. It’s objectively ridiculous. It’s loud, it’s sweaty, and the plot makes a Saturday morning cartoon look like Succession. But despite its campy nature—or maybe because of it—this movie still resonates with me today.
The Plot (Or Lack Thereof)
For those who haven’t revisited this fever dream lately, Hogan plays Rip Thomas, a professional wrestler who is essentially just Hulk Hogan with a slightly different name and a weird obsession with wearing white spandex.
The “plot” kicks off when a sleazy network executive named Brell tries to lure Rip to a rival network. When Rip refuses (because he’s a man of the people, obviously), Brell finds a terrifying monster of a man named Zeus (played by the legendary Tiny Lister) to take Rip down.
What follows is an hour and a half of:
- Hogan growling at inanimate objects.
- The most aggressive synthesizer soundtrack ever recorded.
- A villain who literally spends half the movie just shouting “RIP!” at the sky.
- The infamous “dookie” scene in the limousine (if you know, you know).
Why It’s Still a Masterpiece (To Me)
Is the acting good? Not really. Is the logic sound? Absolutely not. So why do I still love it?
1. The Nostalgia Factor
As an 80s/90s kid, watching Rip was like watching my childhood hero finally take his fight to the big screen. To an eight-year-old, Zeus wasn’t just a character; he was the scariest man on the planet. Rewatching it now brings back that specific brand of excitement that only existed before I understood how “the business” worked.
2. The Pure High-Octane Camp
There is something genuinely refreshing about a movie that doesn’t care about “realism” or “nuance.” No Holds Barred leans so far into its own absurdity that it becomes a work of art. It’s a time capsule of an era where being “extreme” was the only requirement for a script.
3. The Villainy of Zeus
Tiny Lister brought an intensity to Zeus that was legitimately intimidating. He didn’t have lines; he had vibrations. The way he would stare into the camera and just breathe heavily was enough to make any kid hide behind the sofa.
Final Thoughts: Give Into the Cheese
As an adult, I can see the seams. I can see the over-the-top acting and the thin-as-paper plot. But honestly? I don’t care.
No Holds Barred is a reminder of a time when entertainment was simple: the good guy was very good, the bad guy was very bad, and everything ended with a giant fight in a televised ring. It’s cheesy, it’s campy, and it’s arguably one of the weirdest movies ever produced.
And I wouldn’t change a single frame of it.
If you’re looking for a dose of pure, unrefined nostalgia, grab some popcorn, turn your brain off, and let the Hulkster take you for a ride. Just watch out for Zeus.
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